


Call and Answer

by Jahnya Novak (LeanneFord)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Season 8, gender swap, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-02-05 21:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 17,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1832404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeanneFord/pseuds/Jahnya%20Novak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate ending after Season 8. What if it wasn't Castiel's grace Metatron needed. What if it was his vessel. What if Jimmy has a sister and Cas reaches out to her to help him find the Winchesters. And what if Dean realizes Cas is in love with him. This is my first fanfic. It has not been beta'ed. All mistakes are mine alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction - Black

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, here it is. My very first fanfic. Please be gentle. It's a work in progress, but I have four chapters complete and six more outlined.

_When everything has turned to black_  
 _You don't know where to go_  
 _You need something_  
 _To justify your soul_  
 **Black, Kari Kimmel**  
...

_It had been six months since the angels fell and Dean pulled Sam out of that church in the middle of nowhere. Six months since they locked the King of Hell in the dungeon back at the bunker. Six months since they left Garth in charge of keeping a close eye on Kevin. Six months since Dean nearly lost Sam, again. Six months since he lost his best friend._  
...

The world moves on because the world survives on rules. Red means stop, say you are sorry when you are in the wrong, look both ways when crossing the street and most important, the world doesn't end until the Winchester brothers say it is time.

The Winchesters live by their own set of rules. There are the loud and clear ones like driver picks the music and shotgun shuts his cake hole, do not forget Dean's pie, and in general angels are dicks. But there are also unspoken rules. At the top of that list is Sam. As in protect Sam at all cost. Once this was their father's rule and Dean is not entirely sure when it became his rule, his reason for living. But now with Bobby and, the other, gone Sam was his only reason for living.

Another one of the unspoken rules was that Dean always, always, took the bed closest to the door when they were on the road. This put him between Sam and anything trying to get in the room.  
…

There was a knock at the door.


	2. Chapter One - Against All Odds

_How can you just walk away from me,_  
 _when all I can do is watch you leave_  
 _Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears_  
 _You're the only one who really knew me at all_  
 **Against All Odds, Phil Collins**  
...

Dean stood up and reached around to the gun at his back as he walked carefully to the door. He motioned to Sam to stay back. Dean opened the door only a crack.

He took a good look at the stranger since she was looking out towards the parking lot. She was a shortish woman who appeared to be in her mid to late thirties. Her hair was dark brown, almost black, with grey through it in streaks despite her youthful appearance. She wore a cropped, black leather motorcycle jacket with a few protective sigils painted on it. Her jeans were only slightly faded and hugged her legs almost like a second skin. Her black boots looked army issue, but were scuffed from use and lack of care. Almost at the last second Dean noticed her right hand was tucked inside the front of her jacket.

He pulled his gun from behind his back. "Don't even think about it."

The woman turned slowly back to the door to face Dean and looking him directly in the eyes. She carefully took her hand out of her jacket revealing a .480. As she did she pointed it right back at Dean. "Why not? You obviously are."

It was not her arrogant attitude that shook Dean. It was her eyes. They were an electric blue. The one shade of blue he was sure he would never see again while he was awake.

"Who are you?" he attempted to demand, however his voice cracked on the last word. He could hear Sam moving up behind him. Still he could not break eye contact.

"My name is Jennifer. Jennifer Novak." Her left hand reached up and met with her right. Her eyes squinting in response to Dean's twitch at the name. "Now, let's put the dick measuring tools down and talk like sane folk."

“Why should I trust you? You're the one knocking on my door with a loaded gun." Dean's pulse was speeding up and he was trying to will it to slow down. Keeping his breathing under control was taking nearly all of his concentration.

"Because I have a message from Castiel." she answered. Dean swayed. It was the first time he had heard that name spoken out loud in months.

Sam reached out to steady him. He had moved to just behind Dean, an angel blade in his hand. He could be quite silent for a giant. He finally spoke up. "How do we know you're not another dick angel?"

Jennifer laughed and the sound was like a bell ringing on Sunday morning. Clear, calm, steady. She lowered her gun and let it drop until it was swinging from her finger by the trigger guard. "He said you would say that. I am to tell you that my word is his bond."

Sam and Dean looked at each other at the word bond. They knew what the other was thinking. 'Profound Bond'. In that silent communication only a lifetime of being together can bring, they agreed to let her in.

Both of them had put up the demon and angel wards on the room. They backed up and let the door open up far enough to let her in. "By all means, come on in. If you can." replied Dean.

Jennifer laughed a second time then stepped in the room.


	3. Chapter Two - Boulevard of Broken Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe people are actually reading this. Thank you!

_I walk a lonely road_  
 _The only one that I have ever known_  
 _Don't know where it goes_  
 _But it's home to me and I walk alone_  
 **Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day**  
…

Sam sat at the small table across from Jennifer. Dean paced the room.

“Let’s try this again.” Dean growled, “Who are you? And this time let’s follow up with how you found us and why you’re here.”

Jennifer looked at Sam, “Demanding isn’t he?.”

“Just answer the questions.” Sam was as angry as his brother and he really wanted answers so he tried to stay calm.

“Like I said, I’m Jennifer Novak. I can see you’ve heard the name.” she motioned to Dean.

Dean’s eyes flashed. Jennifer stiffened and held up her hands. “Sorry. Look, I’ll explain. _Jimmy_ Novak is my brother.” She watched the boys exchange glances.

Sam spoke for both of them, “We didn’t know Jimmy had any siblings.”

“We didn’t exactly grow up together. I ran away when I was sixteen. Our parents were rather religious and I didn’t hold with that. Too many rules. I wanted to be free so as soon as I had the chance I took off. I lived on the streets after that. That’s how I found my way into the life.” Jennifer’s eyes hardened and she lifted her chin challenging the boys to doubt her.

Dean took up the challenge, “And how the hell are we supposed to know you’re telling us the truth?” He was getting real tired of this bullshit. He wanted answers. Now.

“I have no fucking idea!” Jennifer yelled back.” All I know is that my brother has been missing for years and I hear a voice now telling me he’s looking for Jimmy, too! The voice says his name is Castiel and since I won’t let the bastard posses me I’m supposed to find you two. The oh-so-famous Winchester brothers!”

“Wait, you’re saying Cas wants you to be his vessel?” Sam asked holding a hand up at Dean. He was keeping one eye on him just in case he flew off the handle. He knew getting pissed off wasn’t going to help.

“Cas? Is that some sort of nickname? Yeah, that’s what he called it. Something about my bloodline. I wasn’t paying a whole lot of attention. I was sort of freaking out at the time.” Jennifer put her face in her hands. “Maybe I’m really just crazy.” She looked up “Angels don’t really exist do they?”

Dean laughed. “Oh yeah, they exist all right. Most of them are dicks.” He walked over to his bag and grabbed a bottle of Hunter’s Helper and took a swig.

Sam was not about to let it go that easy. “What else do you remember? What did he say to you? You’d better start at the beginning.”

“Let me have a shot of that and I’ll tell you everything.”


	4. Chapter Three - This Night

 

  
_So, take this night._  
 _Wrap it around me like a sheet._  
 _I know I'm not forgiven,_  
 _But I need a place to sleep._  
 **This Night - Black Lab**  
…

Sam gave Dean his latest bitchface until he relented and handed over the bottle. Jennifer took a good, long swig.

“It started about six months ago, a couple of nights after that freak meteor shower. At first I thought I was just imagining it.” She glanced between the boys. “Sometimes I talked to Jimmy when I was alone. It helped.” Sam nodded his understanding.

“But then it got louder and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Televisions would turn off and on. Radios would change stations for no reason. Finally after a few weeks I couldn’t take it anymore. I was holed up in a dump in Tennessee thinking I had some vengeful spirit with a real hard on after me. I screamed ‘WHAT DO YOU WANT?’ and that’s when I heard him. As clear as day he said ‘I need your help.’ “ Jennifer took another draw from the bottle and wiped her mouth on her sleeve.

“I asked who he was and he said he was ‘Castiel, Angel of the Lord’. What a mind fuck.” she shook her head.

“Wait, you could actually hear him talk? No shattered glass? No busted eardrums?” Dean wasn’t buying this. When Cas first tried to talk to him he heard ringing for a month.

“Well, sure. Just as clear as you right now.” Jennifer shrugged.

Sam interrupted before Dean could get more worked up. “What happened then?”

“Let me give you the short version ‘cause I can see you ain’t interested in a blow by blow.” she cleared her throat, took one last swallow and handed the bottle back to Dean. “You need this more than me, I’m not here to ruin your day, sweetness.”

Dean snached the bottle from her, screwed the top back on and dropped it back in his bag. “Would take a lot more than the likes of you to ruin my day.”

“Whatever.” Jennifer rolled her eyes and turned back to Sam. “So the basic idea is this. Cas, as you call him, told me he got into some trouble with someone named Metatron. Whoever this dude is took Jimmy’s body and is using it as a lock on the gates of Heaven. He tried to talk me into letting him use me as a ‘vessel’.” she used air quotes and Dean stiffened “Pfft! Not happening. So when he mentioned finding you two I got curious and I agreed. Anything to get my head to myself again. So here I am.”

“Okay, but you still haven’t told us why we’re supposed to trust you.” Dean was reaching for his gun again. “And you’d better come up with an answer real soon.”

“There is one thing Castiel wanted me to tell you, Dean.” Jennifer stood and faced him. “He wanted me to tell you that you were right that night at the church, that he should have stayed with you. He wanted me to tell you he was sorry.”

“Well, you can tell him that sorry just isn’t going to do it this time!” Dean grabbed his jacket and keys then slammed the door on his way out. Soon Sam and Jennifer heard the Impala fire up and drive off.

“Was it something I said?” She asked Sam.

“Oh yeah. Everything you said.”


	5. Chapter Four - Desperado

 

  
_Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?_  
 _You been out ridin' fences for so long now_  
 _Oh, you're a hard one_  
 _I know that you got your reasons_  
 _These things that are pleasin' you_  
 _Can hurt you somehow_  
 **Desperado - The Eagles**  
…

Jennifer sat back down. “So, what’s his damage? Cas his boyfriend or something?” She laughed.

Sam was not laughing with her. “No, I mean, I don’t think so.” He shook his head. He was never really sure when it came to those two. “If you really are who you say you are, and by how much you look like Cas...Jimmy, I think you are, then there’s something you should know about my brother.”

Silence. “Well,” Jennifer prompted “If there’s a problem, spill it.”

Sam didn’t know where to start. Before now he had not spoken about it to anyone. He sighed. “Dean has a temper.”

“Yup, got that part.”

He went on. “It comes from caring so much. Don’t look at me like that. You know this life. You know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jennifer huffed. “The loss, after a while it can make you angry. The drinking helps sometimes, but it’s never enough to make you forget.”

“Exactly,“ Sam nodded “And Dean, well, he takes it all personal. All of it.”

“Okay, yeah. I get that. But what’s with this Angel?”

“I don’t know how to explain it. Cas pulled Dean out of Hell.” Sam leaned back in his chair.

Jennifer whistled. “So it’s true then. I’d heard rumors about you two, but I believed very little.”

“Yeah, most of it’s true. It all sucks, too. Anyway, after Dean came back he wasn’t the same. He and Cas just clicked, I guess. He became one of us, an honorary Winchester.” Sam smiled at the thought. He missed Cas and not just his powers, he missed the guy Cas was becoming. “The three of us have been to Hell and back, literally over the last four or five years. But those two.” Sam shook his head again. “Those two are bonded in a way I’ll never understand. So after the Angels fell six months ago Dean has been suppressing every good feeling he ever had. I know he’s tried to reach Cas, but it’s like he’s just gone. I’ve heard Dean praying when he thought I was asleep. Sometimes he begs. Sometimes he’s angry. But,” Sam reached up and tucked a stray hair behind his ear, “the rest of the time he’s hyper focused. He won’t talk about it. In fact, I’m sure today is the first time in months Cas’ name have even been said out loud around him.”

Sam leaned forward putting his hands folded on the table. “You know what really triggered him, though?”

Jennifer shook her head.

“Your eyes. You have his eyes.”


	6. Chapter Five - I Will Never Be The Same

_And you swore that you were bound for glory_  
 _And for wanting you had no shame_  
 _But I loved you_  
 _And then I lost you_  
 _And I will never be the same_  
 **I Will Never Be The Same - Melissa Etheridge**  
…

“NO!” Jennifer leaped up from the table and walked across the room. She put her hand to her head. “Jimmy. Jimmy and I have the same eyes. I don’t know who this Castiel thinks he is, but that is my brother you’re talking about.” She turned and glared at Sam. “My brother, not yours.”

Sam stood up and walked over to her. He towered over her by well over a foot and he knew for most people it could be intimidating so he did his best to appear comforting. He tried to reach out to her, “I’m sorry, but Jimmy’s gone.” he whispered.

“No.” Jennifer pulled away. “No he’s still out there. I have to find him. I have to help him. I have to.”

“Jennifer, your brother was a great man. He sacrificed himself so that Castiel could help us stop the apocalypse, but even more than that he sacrificed himself to save his wife and daughter. To save his family. You should be proud of him.” Sam braced himself for more of her anger. She had every right to be angry.

She looked up at him with hints of tears in her eyes. “You were there weren’t you?” Sam nodded.

She hugged herself and turned to look out the dirty window. “I always meant to go back. Not to our parents, but to see him. He was my little brother and I carried the guilt of leaving him behind.” She wiped away a lone tear. “But he was happy there. He had faith, you know? Jimmy always had faith. I tried to tell myself he was okay. That I was protecting him by staying away. I kept tabs, sure. I was at his wedding.” She smiled at the memory. “I hid in the back so he wouldn’t see me and snuck out right at the end. He never knew. I always meant to go back and now it’s too late.” She hung her head.

By the time Sam reached out to her a second time she turned back to him. “How did he die?”

Sam pulled back. At least she could acknowledge Jimmy was gone now. “We don’t really know. The last time I saw Jimmy he had been shot by a demon and Cas had taken Claire as a vessel to stop them, the demons.” Sam did not think it was kind to tell her who the demon had been possessing at the time and left Amelia out of this part of the story.

Jennifer gasped at the mention of Claire’s name. “Oh please, no.”

Sam was quick to respond. “No, no Claire’s okay as far as we know. Amelia, too.” he assured her.

The relief on her face was huge. “Thank you.” Sam nodded again.

“But Jimmy wouldn’t let Cas keep Claire.” Sam hesitated. He did not know how much she wanted to hear. How much should could take, but then he remembered she was a hunter, too. So he treated her like one.

“Jimmy begged to be taken. He asked for this. While it was his faith that got him into it, in the end all he could think of was his family. You and I would have done the same.” This time Jennifer nodded.

“After that we’re not really sure what happened to him.” Sam tried hard not to think about blowing Jimmy/Cas apart while Lucifer was in control. He closed his eyes hard. Cas had forgiven him for that. He needed to do the same. “I tried to ask Cas about it. All he would say was that he couldn’t feel Jimmy anymore. That he was alone.”

Jennifer answered “Just like me.”


	7. Chapter Six - Serious

  
_I'm a gamblin fool with a roll and cue  
Wanna play wanna play wanna play with me  
Put my ass on the line rubbed my nose in the grime  
And they picked me clean  
The chance and the game drove Old Silkly insane  
What a pain what a strain on my brain it was  
A fish on a hook I was rattled and shook 'cause I lost my stake  
I took that serious_  
 **Serious - Alice Cooper**  
…

Dean could not deal with this. He got in his Baby and drove to the nearest bar. Yes, he knew he was running away, again, He also knew Sam would be fine without him for a few hours. How much trouble could one woman be?

A lot. As an afterthought he ordered a shot of whisky to go with his beer.

For the last several months Dean had done everything he could to forget his angel. He and Sam had spent the better part of two months looking for him and nothing. Sam tried to get him to talk about it. Feelings. But he was not interested. It was too much. He had a choice. Either shut it out or shut down. So he shut it out.

Well, he shut Sam out if he was honest with himself. Late at night when he thought Sam was asleep he had tried praying. At first he was just asking, you know, had to try. After a few weeks he got mad. How could his angel ignore him? He was ignoring him, right? No way he was...Dean could not even think it. 

He ordered another beer.

The prayers turned angry. Dean cursed at him. Threatened him. Told him if he did not answer right now not to bother coming back at all. This was immediately followed by begging. Please. Please, come home. 

Dean wiped a tear from his face without realizing it.

In the end he simply stopped. He put everything into the job. When he and Sam could not find a case on their own Dean would call Garth. If Garth had nothing he would end up at the local bar, hustling some pool, and drinking a lot of beer. Not once would he let himself think for a moment about his angel. Or anyone else for that matter. Sam would tease him about running off to pick up women and he let him think that. Truth is he had lost all interest in women. That is until one showed up at their door with those eyes looking like his angel.

His angel. Was he still his angel? This woman, whoever she is, just walks in and tells Dean she has been talking to him. That after all this time she is the one who gets to know his angel is still out there. Who the hell does she think she is? If she thinks for one second she is good enough, better than him, then…

Dean’s phone vibrated in his pocket. “Hey, Garth! Tell me you’ve got a case.” He signals the bartender he wants to pay his tab. “Okay, yeah. Where? We’ll head right over. No, no we’ll leave right now.”


	8. Chapter Seven - Mad World

_I find it hard to tell you_  
 _I find it hard to take_  
 _When people run in circles_  
 _It's a very, very mad world mad world_  
 **Mad World - Gary Jules**  
...

Dean pulled up to the motel and found Sam and Jennifer standing in the parking lot next to an old, beat up motorcycle. He noticed it was a 1972 Harley Sportster. He had to admit, at least the woman had taste. As he got out of the car he saw her pull out engine oil from one of the saddle bags and add it to the bike. Definitely not a turn on. So she knew her bike well enough to know how to take care of it. Did not mean he had to like her.

“Hey Sammy!” He yelled as he walked back into their room. “Need to talk to you.”

Sam entered the room with Jennifer right behind him. Dean glared at her. “What? You need some private brother time?” she said in response to his look. She followed it with a wink. Dean looked away and thought to himself that the had to stop looking at those eyes.

“Garth called.” Dean spoke as he started packing his things. “Says he has a case for us.”

Sam did not hesitate. He walked over to the far bed and started packing up his own things. “What, where and when?” Sam saw Dean subtly glance over his shoulder at Jennifer. People always thought they had some sixth sense way of talking to each other, but it was these tiny movements that really did the talking. Dean didn’t trust her and Sam didn’t blame him.

“Look, Dean, I know you don’t trust me,” both men looked at each other in surprise. There is no way she picked up on that, is there? “But Castiel isn’t going to leave me alone until we find what he’s looking for so until then you’re stuck with me.” Jennifer crossed her arms and the lights flickered. Jennifer nodded at the lamp “See?”

Dean stood frozen in place staring at the lamp. He did not know how to react. His instinct conflicted with his mind. Anger and something else all mixed in together. It was almost as if everything else around him blacked out except that damned lamp. Then he did what he always did. He shoved it all aside and went back to packing.

“Fine. There was a hunter Garth was tracking about half a state away. This morning he told Garth he was headed into a djinn’s den and he hasn’t reported back. We’re the closest so he’s asked us to check it out.” Dean zipped up his duffel bag and headed back out to the car slamming the door on his way out.

Sam started out the door after him. “Sam,” Jennifer reached out and grabbed Sam by the sleeve “Wait. Cas is talking to me.” That pulled him up short. “ He says,” she swallowed hard and Sam could see tears forming in her eyes. “He says to leave him be for a moment. He says,” she hesitated again lowering her head letting her hair hide her face. “Damnit Castiel, I’m not an owl.” She sighed and looked back up at Sam. “He says he’s sorry, but Dean was being a thick headed assbutt.”

Sam chuckled. “That sounds like Cas. Anything else? Like where he’s been all this time? Why he hasn’t gotten in touch sooner?”

“No.” Jennifer replied “He’s gone. He never sticks around long. I think he’s saving his strength. But something was different this time.” She shook her head as if to clear it. “Usually he just talks to me, just words, you know, but this time I felt something.”

“Felt what?” Sam asked. He was getting worried.

“Sorrow. Such sorrow and regret.”


	9. Chapter Eight - Broken

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
 **Broken - Seether**  
...

Jennifer rolled her bike into the room and climbed into the backseat of the Impala. Dean squealed the tires leaving the parking lot. Sam rolled his eyes. The trip was not going to be as long as they first thought. When Sam looked up the location online it was only a hundred and sixty miles away. But when you are riding in silence, even a few hours can feel like days.

Dean put Metallica on and turned it up pretty much negating the idea of talking. He wasn’t interested. Still he could not help looking at Jennifer in the rearview mirror. Even though she was staring out the side window he could still see the blue in the fading light of the sunset. For just a moment he could imagine Cas was in the car with them.

A few hours turned out to be three and they pulled up to the old mattress warehouse Garth had directed them to in a second phone call. Dean cut the engine, got out of the car and walked around to the trunk. Sam turned to Jennifer. “Look, I know you’re not a newbie at this, but we don’t know you. Dean and I have a system. Just follow our lead and this will get done a lot easier.”

Jennifer just nodded her head and got out of the car dragging her duffel bag with her. Sam decided he needed to get her to talk about why she looked so...what, defeated? After the hunt though. He got out of the car and met Dean at the trunk of the car.

Dean already had out the jar of lamb’s blood and handed Sam a silver knife to dip into the jar. Jennifer was digging around her bag for one. Once they were all armed they put Jennifer’s bag in the truck and shut it.

Sam finally broke the silence. “One touch is all it takes to cause hallucinations.” Neither Dean or Jennifer looked like they heard him. He punched Dean in the shoulder.

“What!?” Dean yelped. “Are you listening to me?” Sam snapped back.

“Yeah, yeah. I heard you. Touch. Hallucinate. I know, man.” Dean rubbed his arm and turned to Jennifer, not quite looking at her. “You ever hunt one of these before?” Jennifer just nodded quietly. Dean shrugged and went in the door. Sam and Jennifer followed.

After they were all in they closed the door and let their eyes adjust to the light. The room was large, as you would expect in a warehouse. There were still scaffolding where the mattresses were once stacked up and sorted. Here and there you could see abandoned rectangles of rotting cloth and rusting springs. In a far corner they could see a fading light

Dean motioned to Sam for him to take the row in front of them and then indicated he was taking the row to the right. Sam nodded and started walking all the while looking all around carefully. Jennifer followed Sam.

There was a loud crash.

 


	10. Chapter Nine - Angel With A Shotgun

_I'm an angel with a shotgun,_

_fighting 'til the war's won,_

_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._

**Angel With A Shotgun - The Cab**

…

“Sam!” Dean yelled. The sound of the crash came from the direction he had sent his little brother. He could hear his father’s anger in his head even after all these years. _Must protect Sammy_. He ran towards the sound of shuffling.

The djinn has jumped Sam from above and was hanging on his back as if Sam was giving him a piggyback ride. The djinn’s markings had fully developed and both Dean and Jennifer could see Sam weakening. He had tried slamming the creature on his back against the scaffolding, but the thing was strong. In the end Sam fell to the floor, unconscious. The djinn quickly leaped back into the cover of darkness.

He rushed to Sam to see if he was still alive. Jennifer took up guard around them like a mother bear protecting her cubs. “Sammy” Dean whispered. “Sam, you gotta wake up.” But Sam was out cold and Dean knew he was in another world and could no longer hear him. He stood up and turned to Jennifer. “If anything happens to him…” He left the rest hanging. “I know,” Jennifer responded “You’ll kill me and every other living thing in the world. Go find that motherfucker and let’s end this.”

Dean started off in the direction the djinn had run, stopped and looked back. Jennifer was in a defensive stance over Sam. She did not even bother looking up at him, but said “I had a little brother once, too.” That was all the assurance he needed. He took off pushing aside all thoughts of Jimmy and his angel. He did not have time for that right now. Sam’s life was all he could care about right now.

He slowed his pace and peered into the dim light hoping for a glance of the monster that attacked his brother. His patience was repaid. There was a slight movement just to his left and he attacked, knife first. Blinded by rage and fear it was not until the djinn stopped moving that Dean realized this was not what attacked his brother. “Shit.” he whispered to himself. They never considered there would be more than one. He headed back to where he had left the others.

Jennifer heard Dean fighting, but did not lower her guard. She was in her element. This is where she belonged and she refused to lose. Squinting into the darkness she saw something coming towards her. It was the djinn. She shifted her body around to face him and braced for attack. The djinn leaped at her and she swung the knife at him, however she missed and toppled to the ground. The next thing she knew Dean was on top of the monster. Jennifer’s head was pounding after making contact with the concrete floor. She reached up and felt the blood. She looked up just in time to see the djinn toss Dean like a ragdoll. Then Castiel was there in her head. _Let me help, please!_ She could hear the desperation behind the plea, but she was losing consciousness.

Dean slid down the wall and everything hurt. He could not move, He thought this was it, the end. Finally. He was almost ready to welcome the dreams when he heard Jennifer scream one word and everything turned white.

“YES!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this would be only ten chapters, but it going to be longer. Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter Ten - Bring Me To Life

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?_

_Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb_

_Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead it back home_

**Bring Me To Life , Evanescence**

...

Sam woke up in the dark. He jumped up and was in a fighting stance before he knew where he was. The dream of Jess still being alive falling away. His eyes slowly adjusted to the dim light. He realized he was back in the motel room. The smell of Jennifer’s bike hit his nostrils.

“It’s alright, Sam.” a voice spoke. It was then that Sam saw a small figure standing at the foot of Dean’s bed. Dean was out cold on the bed and seemed whole.

“Jennifer?” Sam asked cautiously. It looked like her, but her voice sounded like she had smoked a carton of cigarettes in an hour.

“Not quite, but she’s safe.” The voice offered. She was standing stiffly with her hands at her sides in fists. She appeared to be staring at Dean’s sleeping form. “She called me just as the djinns were about to overtake all of you.” Jennifer’s body hung her head, “I killed them.”

“Cas?” Sam asked.

“Hello, Sam. Yes, it’s me. She said yes.” Finally Cas looked up at Sam. The sorrow Jennifer mentioned before plain on her face.

"Cas," Sam spoke softly "Are you...crying?" Cas turned away wiping at her face. "Talk to me. What’s wrong, what happened?" Sam wanted, needed to know. He has seen his friend angry, remorseful, and vengeful, but never has he seen Cas like this, so full of sadness. Maybe it was different to see it in Jennifer's face. Maybe he never thought to look for it before.

"I'm scared, Sam." Cas whispered. "Scared I'll never make it back this time. Scared that I've lost..." He choked on the last word as he glanced at Dean. This was not a fear she had ever wished to voice out loud. Maybe she was feeling more because of being back in a human vessel. Maybe she was feeling Jennifer's loss of her brother. It did not matter. Not anymore. She had already lost the one thing that mattered most to her.

Sam looked down at his older brother and everything became clear. All his suspicions confirmed. He now understood why Cas chose humanity over Heaven. All of it, everything, had been for Dean.

"No." Sam nearly yelled and Cas stiffened. "No." Sam repeated. "Don't give up. Not until he knows. You owe him that much. After all Dean has been through, after all you've put him through. You owe him the truth." His voice was harsher than he intended, but he had to get through to Cas.

“He will never forgive me now. Not after what I’ve done. But that isn’t important now. I have to let Jennifer go.” Cas straightened up and walked to where Sam was standing. “The longer I remain the weaker she will become. I will not allow her to sacrifice her life for mine. I will not allow it to happen, again.” She walked around to the side of the empty bed and sat down. “Once I am gone Jennifer will need to recover. That’s why I stayed. She will be weak. I healed her from the fight with the djinn, but I cannot heal the damage my grace has caused.” She looked up at Sam. “Please look after her until she wakes, Sam. I can’t bring her brother back, but I can do this.”

“But Cas,” Sam started however a bright, pale blue light began to pour out of Jennifer’s face and she collapsed onto the bed. Sam sighed heavily and brushed back his hair. He carefully straightened out Jennifer into a more comfortable position and covered her up. Sam looked over at Dean.

Now he just had to decide how much to tell him when he woke up.

 


	12. Chapter Eleven - How You Gonna See Me Now

_Just to let you know_  
 _I'm gonna be home soon_  
 _I'm kinda awkward and afraid_  
 _Time has changed your point of view_  
 _How you gonna see me now_  
 **How You Gonna See Me Now, Alice Cooper**  
…

Dean woke up from the best sleep he had had in months. He stretched and saw Sam sitting at the small table by the window. As he moved he realized he was still in his jeans, which while weird was not unheard of after a hunt. At least they killed the...wait a minute.

Dean looked around and saw Jennifer’s bike. The smell of oil and gasoline suddenly burning his nose. Then he saw Jennifer sleeping in Sam’s bed. “Um, Sam? You didn’t…” Dean left the question open as he pointed at the opposite bed.

Sam put both hands up and answered, “Okay first, I know what you’re thinking and, uh, no.” Sam shook his head as his eyebrows shot up. “And second, how much do you remember about last night?”

Dean put his thinking face on and looked at the ceiling. “Well, we drove to some crappy warehouse in the middle of nowheresville. There was a djinn…” His face dawned with understanding. Dean looked between Sam and Jennifer. ‘But you were out and she...she…” Sam almost couldn’t hear him when he said “She said yes.”

Dean stood up slowly and walked over to sit next to Sam, his eyes never leaving Jennifer’s too still body. “Is he...is he…?” He just couldn’t make himself finish the sentence.

“He’s not here, Dean, I’m sorry.” Sam answered and Dean’s face grew angry.

“What do you mean ‘not here’?” Dean demanded. “Where the hell is he?”

“Dean, look, he didn’t want to hurt her, okay. He said,” Sam swallowed hard when Dean’s anger turned towards him. He slid his hand across the table towards Dean. He tried to say it with as much comfort as he could. “He said his presence was hurting her and that he wouldn’t let someone else sacrifice themself for him. Not again.”

On Dean’s face anger turned to confusion and then to understanding. He hung his head into his hands hoping Sam wouldn’t see the tears forming in his eyes. “Okay, so…” Dean had to clear his throat. “We were losing, so what? Jennifer said yes as a last ditch effort to save us?”

“Yes.” Sam answered quietly. He did not miss the tears, no more than he missed the way Dean still did not say Cas’s name.

“And he showed up, killed the djinn, flew us all back here?” Dean’s head jerked up. “Where’s the car?” He ripped back the curtains and looked outside. There in the parking lot, shining in the morning sun, was his car. Dean could not help but smile knowing Cas not only saved their lives, again, he remembered to bring the car back, too.

“Yeah, Dean. That’s what I think happened. Cas wasn’t exactly chatty Kathy.” Sam chuckled. He had forgotten about the car, but of course Cas did not. If that is not proof of Cas’s feelings for Dean, he did not know if anything could be. Sam’s humor dropped when Dean’s eyes turned back on him.

“But he’s gone?” Dean’s question came out almost like a plea.

Sam nodded softly. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Yeah, okay.” Dean straightened and looked back over at Jennifer. “So, what’s with sleeping beauty then?”

Just like that it was back to business. Sam knew Dean was cutting himself off again. He knew nothing he said now about Cas’s feeling for him would get through to Dean when he was like this. Even if proof was sitting in the parking lot. In fact, he’d probably run out the door again.

So Sam stuck to the facts. “He said she would need to rest. Her wounds from the hunt are healed, but she still needs to recover from…” He left the last bit hanging.

“Yeah, okay.” Dean said again. He got up and rummaged around the room. He grabbed a bowl from the crappy kitchen and found a wash rag in one of the duffle bags. He picked up the chair he vacated, set it next to Jennifer’s bed and sat down.

“Dean?” Sam was starting to get worried. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking care of her.” Dean answered without meeting Sam’s stare. He carefully dipped the rag in the cool water and began to brush Jennifer’s forehead with it. Sam relaxed and went back to his laptop.

Jennifer stirred at the coolness of the touch. Her eyes opened just a little. Dean though he saw flashes of pale blue light. He leaned in to get a closer look. Jennifer’s eyes suddenly flew open completely and yes, there were traces of Grace there. Dean’s eyes widened as Jennifer reached up with both hands to touch his face. The next thing he knew she was kissing him. Before he had time to react she fell back to the bed unconscious.

Dean was in too much shock to hear the door close as Sam left.


	13. Chapter Twelve - Somewhere I Belong

_(When this began)  
_ _I had nothing to say  
_ _And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
_ _(I was confused)  
_ _And I let it all out to find  
_ _That I’m not the only person with these things in mind_  
 **Somewhere I Belong, Linkin Park**  
…

When Sam came back a few hours later with lunch it looked like Dean had not moved. He was still sitting by Jennifer’s bedside.

“Hey, man. I brought you a burger.” Sam tried to sound casual. He set the paper sack on the table and starting digging out the food. Dean slowly stood up and walked over to the fridge grabbing a couple of beers.

Dean made sure to sit facing Jennifer when he got to the table. You know, so he could keep an eye on her.

Sam did not know what to say. Knew there was nothing he could say. Maybe just being here for Dean was enough.

Dean sat quietly as he unwrapped his burger. He wasn’t really hungry, but he knew Sam would nag at him until he ate.

“Dean, I…” Sam started.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Sammy.” Dean interrupted. But he did. He had questions. He just did not know how to ask. He took a few more bites and a swig of his beer. He glanced over at Jennifer and spoke, “What makes you so special? Why didn’t he stay and talk to both of us, to me?”  _Why did she kiss me?_

Sam took a drink of his own beer and looked up at his brother. Dean needed to know even if he did not want to hear it and if Cas was not going to tell him then Sam figured it was up to him. “He’s scared, Dean.”  _He loves you, Dean._

“What? He’s scared? Scared of what? Me? A freaking Angel of the Lord?” _Can't be half as scared as me._  Dean threw his half eaten burger on the table. He could feel the anger building up. Months of nothing and now everything all at once. His angel was alive and _kissed_ him. It was too much.

“Yeah, Dean.” Sam put down both his beer and fork. The salad really was not that fresh anyway. “He said he was scared. He’s scared he isn’t going to be able to come back. He’s scared he’s done too much damage and he’s scared that he’s lost you.” Sam pointed at Dean to help drive the point home.  _It's always been you._

“What do you mean lost me? I’m right here!” Dean asked because apparently his angel knew where he was all this time.  _And she kissed me._

“Yeah, Dean. He’s scared he’s lost you and not in the doesn’t-know-where-you-are type of lost, idiot.” Sam swallowed hard and sat back. He was trying to lay it all out for Dean. “He thinks you will never forgive him.” It was mostly the truth. It was what Cas was trying to say after all.  _He was saying good-bye._

If Dean understood he did not show it. “Did he say anything else? Like where the hell he’s been all this time?”  _Why didn't he come back? Tell me he was okay?_

“No. I asked. I did, but he ignored the question. Then he asked me to look after Jennifer and he left. You know how he is.” Sam sighed. “I wish I had more to tell you, Dean. I really do.” He stopped short of telling Dean what he had said to Cas. He was angry enough as it was.  _I'm sorry, I tried._

Dean got up and sat back down next to Jennifer’s bed. “So what do we do now?”  he asked as he brushed the hair away from her face.

“We wait for her to wake up.” Sam knew his brother did not like waiting and braced for more of his anger.

It was the final straw. Dean had been waiting for six months for something, anything, from his angel. Now he’s talking to everyone but him? What the hell? He glared at Sam, stood up and stomped to the door. “You wait. I”m fucking sick of waiting.” he growled and left.

_I love him, too._


	14. Chapter Thirteen - The Unforgiven II

_What I've felt, what I've known_  
 _Turn the pages, turn the stone_  
 _Behind the door, should I open it for you?_  
 _What I've felt, what I've known_  
 _Sick and tired, I stand alone_  
 _Could you be there? 'Cause I'm the one who waits for you_  
 _Or are you unforgiven, too?_   
**The Unforgiven II - Metallica**

...

Dean had walked out the door without thinking. He reached into his pocket without thinking. His fingers brushed the cold metal of his keys without thinking. It was not until he reached the Impala that he remembered.

_He brought the car back, too. Not only did he save our bacon (again) but he brought her back. He knew. He knows how much this car means to me. He knows it’s the only home I’ve ever really had. I never told him but he knows. He knows everything about me. DAMNIT (or does he? Do I?)_

He reached out and touched the fender softly, amazed at the fact that she was still here.

_Still here because he brought her back. He brought her back. Why did he do that? Why did he do that for me? Why why why? FUCK! (why)_

His fist slammed down on the truck lid then kicked the tire. Blood leaked out from his knuckle. He stared at it blinking. Suddenly he growled at the empty air.

_Let’s see you heal that, you son of a bitch. Just gotta go around trying to fix every damn little thing. I don’t need fixing so FUCK YOU. (I need you)_

He walked around to the driver’s door and opened it a bit too hard so the springs groaned in response. He dropped into the car. A huge sigh hefted his shoulders.

_Fuck you. I don’t need you. (I need you)_

He felt the tears sting his eyes. It made him even outraged.

_Oh hell no. I’ve cried enough over that asshole. That ‘angel of the lord’. I’ll be damned if I’m gonna cry anymore. Who does he think he is? Running off and just leaving me here. No clue where he is, no clue he’s even fucking alive. Then show up here with that (hot) woman out of the blue and now SHE knows what’s going on while I have NO (fucking) clue._

Dean grabbed the steering wheel with both hands and shook it for all he was worth. Grunts escaped from his lips with the effort.

_Fuck YOU! (I needed you)_

He relaxed against the seat. Another sigh. He reached over and closed the door. Another sigh. Digging in his pocket he found the keys then slotted one into the ignition. She turned over beautifully.

_At least you didn’t fuck that up (thank you)_

Dean flicked on the radio and Metallica come streaming from the speakers.

_“Because you’re unforgiven, too…”_

He moved the shifter into drive and took off down the road in the direction the Impala was pointing. He did not know where he was going, he just drove. After about an hour he started to calm down.

_Okay, okay. This isn’t helping. Freaking out isn’t going to do anyone (Sammy) any good. Just think it out. It’s (not) just another job. What are the facts? He’s alive (what the hell does that even mean, are angels alive to begin with?) (stop it). His vessel is still alive (Jimmy, his name was Jimmy). He brought Jennifer (hot) to us to help us (help her?). He’s here. He’s alive. He needs me_.

Dean slammed on the breaks. Just like that it was over. The anger slipped away. Dean turned the car around.

_He needs me._


	15. Chapter Fourteen - Some of Us

_Some of us laugh  
_ _Some of us cry  
_ _Some of us smoke  
_ _Some of us lie  
_ _But it's all just a way  
_ _That we cope with our lives_  
 **Some of Us, Starsailor  
**...

When Dean walked back into the motel room he immediately noticed the bike was gone. Unbidden anger welled up in the pit of his stomach. After a quick glance around he realized Jennifer was, in fact, gone.

“Where the hell did she go?” Dean asked pointing around the room and nearly yelling. He could feel the flush rising up his neck. When his nose flared he could still smell gasoline and old oil. He would never admit how much it turned him on.

Sam had already anticipated Dean’s reaction and it did not let it phase him one bit. “She woke up right after you left. She ate a little and we talked about our next move. Then she went to go get some supplies, something about new burner phones, and find a place to stash the bike for a while.” He did not even look up from the map on his laptop as he rattled off the list.

“So you just let her go off alone?” Dean was shocked at his own possessiveness. The shock made him even angrier. He knew it was not fair to take it out on Sam, but he knew Sam would take it. He hated himself a little bit more. “By herself?”

“Yeah, Dean. She isn’t a child and she isn’t our prisoner. She can come and go as she pleases. What was I supposed to do anyway? Handcuff her to the bed?” Used to, Sam would get angry back at Dean when he was like this, but this time he knew more about his brother, he understood more. This time it really was personal and even if in the past Dean never would allow him the space to work out his feelings he sure as hell was going to give Dean that chance. He deserved it. And so did Cas.

Even so, he also knew his brother needed to work out his anger. Sam looked up and stared at Dean. Bitchface to scowl. Dean looked away first, guilt winning out.

Dean’s anger quickly switched to sarcasm. “Okay, fine. So what’s the next move you two figured out for us?” Sam was not sure which mode was worse, but quickly decided sarcasm was easier to deal with right now.

“Well,” Sam answered pointing to the screen, “Jennifer says she thinks we need to head west, but Cas hasn’t really told her anything so there really isn’t much planning we can do right now.” Sam had to fight to not glance up at Dean when he flinched at the name. Sometimes caring about Dean sucked.

Dean walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer. ”So, if we have no actual plan what are you looking at?” He twisted off the top and tossed it into the trash.

Just then there was a knock on the door. They glanced at each other. Without a word Sam took point. He placed the laptop on the table, picked up his gun and pulled back the slide with a soft click. He knew Dean was in no shape to answer a strange knock, especially if it was Jennifer again.

Just then her voice came through from the other side of the door. “Hey, it’s me. Let me in, would ya?”

While Sam relaxed, Dean tensed even more.

Sam opened the door and let Jennifer push her bike back in through the door. “Just one more night.” She said in response to the unanswered question. “I called some friends and there’s a shop in town and the owner said he would store it for a few weeks for me. But his place isn’t open until morning.” She grunted as she moved the kickstand down. Then she worked to remove the knapsack tied to the back of the bike. She reached in, grabbed some cash, and handed it to Sam.

“Could you go grab us some dinner? Dean and I need to talk.”


	16. Chapter Fifteen - Iris

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
_ _'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
_ _You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
_ _And I don't wanna go home right now_  
 **Iris, Goo Goo Dolls  
**...

Sam glanced at Dean to make sure he was going to be okay if he left him alone with Jennifer. It was difficult to know. Dean hardly flinched. “Um, yeah sure.” Sam said while gathering up his laptop. “What do you want?”

“Oh whatever is on special is fine with me.” Jennifer’s eyes never left Dean.

Sam looked at Dean once more. Dean responded with a nod and tossed him the keys to the Impala. “Don’t forget the pie this time.”

Sam snached the keys from the air and left. Dean hoped that his shaking did not show.

Jennifer saw Dean’s beer, “Mind if I have one, this isn’t gonna be easy for either of us.”

Dean reached into the fridge and handed one to her. She twisted open the top and tossed it into the trash with the same swift motion Dean had used just minutes earlier. The she gulped down about half the bottle. Dean knew steeling yourself when he saw it.

After Jennifer pulled the bottle from her lips she sat at the small table by the window. The sun was just starting to set. She looked up straight into Dean’s eyes and pointed at him, “I’ll make you a deal, Dean. Hunter to Hunter. Don’t lie to me and I won’t lie to you.”

It took Dean a moment to react. Those damned blue eyes. “Yeah, okay, sure.” He shrugged. “Hunter to Hunter.” Whatever that meant.

“Whatever is going on between you and Castiel. I don't care. I should care, Jimmy is my brother. But Sam says Jimmy is gone. Like, forever gone. Is that true?” Her face was hard as her hand dropped back to the table. Now was not the time for tears. She’d cry later when she was alone.

He wasn’t sure which stunned him more, Jennifer’s accusation that there was something more between him and his angel or how direct she was about it. He took another drink of his beer to cover his hesitation. He decided to focus on the question, not the statement.

“Yeah, as far as we know, Jimmy is gone. I’m sorry.” And he was. It was hard to remember that Jimmy was a real person sometimes. All he ever knew in that form was his angel. Guilt hit him square in the chest. Again.

“That fucking bastard.” She swore between gritted teeth. “He could have fucking told me.” She beat her fist on the table once.

Dean answered her unspoken question. “Would you have agreed to help if you had known?” He realized that, just maybe, he did understand his angel after all. He had learned how to manipulate from the best, him.

Jennifer sighed. “No. I would have told him to fuck off. But I kinda knew anyway. Just a feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know?” She looked up at Dean.

He could only nod. He could not stop looking for the blue behind the blue in her eyes.

She looked down at her beer on the table. She picked at the label. “He came to me and talked to me while I was out.” Dean stiffened. “Do you want to know what he told me?”

Dean stopped the beer just as it had gotten halfway to his mouth. He could not make himself answer.

When Jennifer spoke next her voice was soft. “He told me,” she sighed again, “That he heard you. He heard every prayer. Every word. He said that he couldn’t go home. He said he doesn’t know where that is right now.

She took another drink. “He does love you, you know. I feel his heart ache every time he talks about you. But we gotta get one thing straight.” She looked back up, her face still as serious as when she started. “I may have let him use me as a vessel, I might have to again before this is over. But, Dean, I am not him.”

 


	17. Chapter Sixteen - At This Point In My Life

_At this point in my life  
_ _I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right  
_ _If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down  
_ _If you give me a chance I'll try  
_ _…  
_ _You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down  
_ _I've been reaching high always losing ground  
_ _You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground  
_ _You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb  
_ _And right now right now I'm doing the best I can  
_ _At this point in my life_  
 **At This Point In My Life, Tracy Chapman  
**...

Dean was still trying to figure out which part of that last confession to react to when Sam chose that of all moments to come back to the room. Dean turned, threw his empty beer bottle into the trash and grabbed another. “Took you long enough.” was all he could manage to say.

Sam started to reply with a bitchface, but realized Dean was not even looking at him. Just what the hell did Jennifer say to him? His head jerked back to see if he could read anything on Jennifer’s face, but her back was turned.

Eating dinner was a little awkward. Sam had no idea what had been said. Dean was lost in his own thoughts. And Jennifer was eating like she had not seen food in a month.

Sam cleared his throat, “So, what’s the plan or do we even have one yet?” Dean did not seem to hear him.

Jennifer glanced up first at Dean then Sam. She swallowed, “We need to head west, like I said before. Cas doesn’t know where Metatron hid the gate yet, but he believes the closer we get the better able he’ll be able to pinpoint its location. You gonna eat those?” She pointed at his crackers.

Sam handed her the crackers. Who knew she could eat so much. “Dean, what do you think?” He asked, but Dean did not seem to hear him so he kicked him under the table. If they were going to do this they needed Dean there with them. “Dean!”

“What the hell, Sam?”

“Are you even paying attention? We need a plan. Jennifer says west. You in or what?”

“Yeah I’m in, bitch.” Dean tossed the last of his dinner wrapping in the trash. “We go west. I got nothing better to do.” He turned back to the table looking Sam square in the eyes.

“Alright.” Sam was relieved to see Dean finally paying attention. “We should get some shut eye tonight and leave in the morning.”

“That’s all good for you two,” Jennifer said “But where am I going to sleep. I’m not bunking with either of you.” She waved her arm indicating the two beds.

Dean got up and grabbed his keys out of his jacket, “Don’t worry. You can take my bed. Sam, come help me dig out a sleeping bag out of the trunk.”

The boys walked out to the Impala. Sam wanted to ask what they had talked about, but he was sticking to his new approach of giving Dean some space. Instead he asked about something else hoping Dean would open up.

“So do you think we should trust her?” Sam asked as casually as he would any other case. “I mean, we just met her and we’re talking about going off and saving the world with her.”

Dean opened the trunk with a loud squeak. He really ought to oil that spring. “She’s a Hunter and a good one. What choice do we have, anyway. I don’t see why she’d lie to us. Besides,” Dean paused “he trusts her.”

Sam had been rummaging around when he realized Dean had almost said Cas’s name. “Yeah, man. I think he does.”

“So we may as well trust her, too. For now at least. Come on, dude, the sleeping bags are right there.” Dean grabbed the bags. Once Sam was clear he slammed the trunk closed. “Now let’s go get some sleep.”

When they got back in the room Jennifer was already sprawled out on the bed by the door and snoring quietly. Sam helped Dean lay out the sleeping bags by the door then went into the small bathroom to change clothes.

Dean walked between the beds to grab his bag off the floor. He looked down at Jennifer’s sleeping face. He wondered where Cas was now, if he was watching, listening. He brushed that stray lock from her forehead.

Her words came back to him. I’m not him. Dean stiffened and pulled his hand back. His face hardened. He walked back around to the pile of sleeping bags on the floor. He placed his gun next to his pillow.

He heard rather than saw Sam come out and crawl in bed. He picked up his bag again and went to change clothes. When he came back Sam appeared out cold. Dean turned out the lights, plopped down on the floor and tried his best to get comfortable.

Dean curled up, wrapped his arms around his pillow and shut his eyes tight. Dean had not prayed to his angel in months, but this time it was different. I know you can hear me. I don’t know what I”m doing here, but I’m doing the best I can. Dean opened his eyes and looked around, hoping. Nothing moved in the darkness. He laid his head back down and sighed.


	18. 17. As It Seems

_Well I lost my innocence when in I let him dive_  
 _But the way that he looked at me made me feel alive_  
 _And now I know nothin' at all but the release that comes when you're in mid fall_  
 _..._  
 _Cause in this life you must find something to live for_  
 _Cause when the darkness comes a callin' you'll go back to where you were before_  
 _Cause this life is as fragile as a dream, and nothing’s ever really as it seems_  
 **As It Seems, Lily Kershaw**  
…

The next morning they all got up and packed up all of their belongings. Jennifer rolled her bike outside and the boys loaded up the Impala. Once they had checked out they followed her to a garage on the outskirts of town. She talked with the owner and handed him the keys and an envelope of cash. Afterwards she climbed into the back seat of the car and they rode off headed West.

Dean usually felt better him and Sam hit the road. It usually meant a job was finished or they were headed to a new job and the adrenaline was pumping. This time was different. Each time he looked in the rearview mirror he remembered what Jennifer told him.

_He loves you._

Most of the time during the cross country trek the three of them were silent. Not much to talk about. Any time they asked Jennifer which way they should head she would only say “West.” Finally after they had driven almost all the way across North Dakota, she told then to go south on US-85. Dean almost missed the exit.

When pressed Jennifer could not explain how she knew which way to go. Sam accepted it quietly, but Dean wanted to hit something. He knew. While part of him was glad to know his angel was alright the other part of him was pissed that he would not talk to him.

The anger was easier to deal with.

They stopped once outside of Las Vegas. They had been driving a stead southwest for over eighteen hours. Even with switching out drivers between Sam and Dean they needed real sleep. Jennifer tried to get her own room so Dean could sleep in a real bed, but Dean would not hear of it.

“We need to stick together.” He argued. “We can’t get to you through a wall.” Sam had to agree. They had no idea who out there was on their side, Angel or Demon. Jennifer was too tired to argue.

However, once they got inside the room she seemed determined to not let Dean sleep on the floor. “You won’t let me drive. I’ve got that whole back seat to nap on. You need the bed.” She told Dean.

All Sam wanted to do was sleep. “Why don’t you share the damn bed and let me sleep!”

Dean and Jennifer exchanged guilty looks. They shared the bed that night.

A few hours before dawn Dean woke up and his arm was around something warm. When he realized it was Jennifer he nearly panicked. Carefully he pulled his arm away and rolled over on his back. Now the only thing he could think about was his arm around his angel.

So it was there, in a dirty motel room in bed next to a woman that Dean figured out the truth.

He loved his angel, too.

 


	19. Chapter Eighteen - Hate Me

_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave  
_ _Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made  
_ _And like a baby boy I never was a man  
_ _Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand  
_ _And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”  
_ _Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be  
_ _And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”_  
 **Hate Me, Blue October**  
…

Castiel liked it in the mountains. It was quiet and peaceful like the world was before his Father created Humans. Castiel did love the Humans as his Father commanded, however they were noisy and he needed to think.

She was remembering the last time she was with Dean in her vessel. Naomi had just told them Metatron was trying to kick all of the Angels out of Heaven. Castiel was too driven to listen, not even to Dean. Dean had left Sam behind to help her and instead of helping him possibly save Sam’s life she left him alone so she could confront Metatron. In the end she ended up giving Metatron what he wanted.

Castiel was ashamed. Again. He had destroyed everything he had ever cared about. Heaven, Earth, Dean. Also, he was ashamed that Jimmy’s sacrifice had been for naught. He had broken that promise, too. It seemed breaking promises was all he was made to do.

Once Metatron has separated her grace from her vessel, Castiel was weak. She could no longer tune into Angel Radio even in the celestial state she was forced into. She was lost, disoriented. She wandered the Earth to which she had been banished. She was too weak to even take a vessel.

Eventually Castiel became stronger. He had seen what Metatron had done and knew he had to fix it, just like he was always trying to fix things. He needed a vessel and went searching for Jimmy’s sister, Jennifer. She was less than cooperative.

The last thing she wanted was to involve Sam and Dean. Dean had started praying to her and she could not answer him. Well, she could, however she chose not to and it broke her heart. Dean was better off without her screwing things up all the time. Then it turned out Jennifer was a Hunter, too and refused to give permissions to be used as a vessel. There was no other choice, Castiel had to ask Sam and Dean for help.

It was about this time that Dean’s prayers turned from anger to tears. If his heart was not breaking before, it surely was now. Dean wanted Castiel to come home, but where was home? Heaven had been his home for eons. And yet, Sam and Dean had treated him more like family in a few short years than the other Angels had in centuries. Accepted him when the other Angels shunned him. Moreover, he loved Dean. He had known he loved Dean since the moment he pulled him out of Hell. But Dean did not love him. In Dean’s eyes she was just a brother in arms, a tool, an Angel.

None of that mattered now. She had work to do. She did not have time to pine after a Human. She had to reopen Heaven. But where was the gate? Metatron had gone to great lenghts to hide it from all the Angels so Castiel stopped searching for the gate and started searching for Jimmy, her true vessel. The pull between an Angel and their vessel is intimate and powerful.

Suddenly he knew where Jimmy was. He was in Jerico, California. With this new realized information Castiel went back to the hotel room to let Jennifer know. And that’s when he saw Dean in bed with Jennifer.

Her heart sank.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The back and forth between pronouns is intentional.


	20. intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not given up the story. Life happened. A new chapter will be posted 11/2/2014.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

_and if you call, I will answer_   
_and if you fall, I'll pick you up_   
_and if you court this disaster_   
_I'll point you home_   
**Call and Answer, Barenaked Ladies**


	21. Chapter Nineteen - Someday

_How the hell did we wind up like this?  
_ _Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed  
_ _And try to turn the tables  
_ _Now the story's played out like this  
_ _Just like a paperback novel  
_ _Let's rewrite an ending that fits  
_ _Instead of a Hollywood horror_  
 **Someday, Nickelback  
**...

When Dean woke the next morning he could not remember falling back to sleep. For the first time in months he felt rested. He stretched lazily and noticed he was alone in the bed. He sat up and saw Jennifer sitting at the table, her hands wrapped around a go-cup of coffee. Her face looked like her dog had been run over by a car.

Dean’s first instinct was to find Sam. Always Sam, but his brother was still asleep and lightly snoring in the other bed. He relaxed a little, just barely.

He carefully got out of bed so as to not creak the old springs too much. Then walked softly to where Jennifer was seated. Her eyes were glazed over and red as if she had been crying. Dean reached out and brushed her shoulder as he sat down.

She spoke so quietly that Dean had to strain to hear her. “Castiel was here.”

Dean’s stomach did a flip and knotted at the same time. He had just come to terms with his feelings for his angel and he was not ready to share it just yet. “Yeah, okay and did he say anything?”

“No, Dean, you don’t understand.” Jennifer looked up at Dean. Yes, she had been crying. “He was HERE.” On the last work she motioned to the bed with her chin then lowered her eyes back to the table.

He looked at the bed then back at Jennifer. It still took about five heartbeats for him to catch on. When he realized that he had not only been here, but his angel had seen him in bed with someone else, Dean’s heart knew the true meaning of pain.

“Fuck.” Dean whispered. “Did...did he…?” He could not get the words out.

“No, he didn’t say anything to me about it. He just said ‘Jericho, California’ and left.” Jennifer reached out and took Dean’s hand. “I’m so sorry, Dean.” Her eyes started welling up again. “He didn’t say anything, but I could feel him.” She choked on the words and Dean took her hand in return.

“We didn’t do anything wrong, Jennifer.” Dean told her “And when I get to talk to him I’m going to explain everything. Everything, okay? And...and make this alright.”

“Make what alright, Dean?” Sam had woken up and caught only a little of the conversation. The interruption had startled Dean more than he would ever admit. He sat up bolt right as if he had been caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

“I..uh…” Dean glanced nervously between Sam and Jennifer. Did he tell Sam now? Like this?

Jennifer came to his rescue and for that Dean could kiss her. “It’s nothing, Sam. I was just thinking about Jimmy and I got carried away. Dean here was just trying to make me feel better.” She stood up and chastly kissed Dean on top of his head. “But I do have news. We have a final location. Jericho, California.”

“Great! Can we have breakfast first? I’m starving?” Sam got out of bed, walked into the bathroom, and shut the door behind him.

“Um, thanks, I guess.” Dean said softly.

Jennifer smiled, “Don’t worry.” she ruffled his hair “If you think Sam didn’t figure it out ages ago you’re a lot dumber than you look.” She sniffed one good last time and went to pack her things. “And you’re right,” she said over her shoulder “I do believe you’ll make it alright before it’s over.”

Dean sat staring at the bathroom door. Why was he always the last to know?

 


	22. Chapter Twenty - Tainted Love

_Now I know I've got to_  
 _Run away I've got to_  
 _Get away_  
 _You don't really want any more from me_  
 _To make things right_  
 _You need someone to hold you tight_  
 _You think love is to pray_  
 _I'm sorry I don't pray that way_  
 **Tainted Love, Marilyn Manson**  
…

Castiel arrived well ahead of Sam, Dean and Jennifer. He tried to tell himself he was scouting ahead in order to let the others know what to expect. The truth was that he could not stand being near them right now. He was running and he knew it.

He did not have time to think about that right now. So what if Dean and Jennifer slept together? It’s not like he had any claim on Dean. Once maybe, but his handprint was long since gone.

Castiel’s shoulders dropped at that thought.

“Well. Hello, Castiel.” That voice, he knew that voice. Even without a vessel it made his skin crawl.

“Metatron.” If he had been in a vessel he would have spat the name. He turned and saw the scribe sitting on a park bench. Smug as usual.

“I assume the boys are right behind you? Good. Good. All according to plan.” Metatron stood up and walked over to the fence that outlined the boundaries of the park. “I never got to thank you for this, Castiel, so thank you. I could never have done this without you.”

Just as Metatron’s hand reached out to the fence Castiel flew off. He was not ready. He knew he could not face this alone.

Metatron chuckled as he heard Castiel make his exit. “Oh, you’ll be back my friend. And we’ll be waiting.”

...

When Sam, Dean and Jennifer rolled into Jericho, Dean noticed that nothing had really changed in the seven or eight years since they had been there last. The fact that they had fought a Woman in White there did not sit well with him. Those particular ghosts targeted cheating men, and while Dean knew nothing had happened he was still on edge about the whole thing.

“I remember this place.” Sam stated quietly. “This is where we first went looking for Dad.”

Dean glanced over and saw the sadness in his brother’s eyes. “Yep, and that’s probably why Mr. King Dick Angel chose this place. He loves a good story.” He tried to sound light-hearted, but he knew he had failed when Sam got out of the car still all quiet.

Jennifer reached out and touched Dean’s shoulder from the back seat. “Hey, you okay?”

“Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be okay? It’s just a matter of saving the world, again. It’s becoming an annual event. Wouldn’t want to miss this year.” Dean shrugged off her hand and climbed out of the car.

“That isn’t what I meant, dumbass.” she said to the empty air. “Boys.” Then she followed both of them out of the car.


	23. Chapter Twenty-One - The God That Failed

_I see faith in your eyes_  
 _Never you hear the discouraging lies_  
 _I hear faith in your cries_  
 _Broken is the promise, betrayal_  
 _The healing hand held back by the deepened nail_  
 _Follow the god that failed_  
 **The God That Failed, Metallica**  
…

Once the three of them had all gotten out of the car they loaded up on holy water and various weapons...Dean with an angel blade that Sam suspected once belonged to Cas, Sam with Ruby’s knife, and Jennifer with a flask of holy oil. All three of them were carrying a gun of some sort.

Jennifer took the lead.

“This way.” is all she said before starting to walk down a seemingly random street. Dean and Sam looked at each other quickly before following her. What choice did they really have at this point?

Jennifer did not want to mention Castiel’s name unless she absolutely had to say it. She needed both of the boys focused. The angel had come back to her just as Dean had closed the trunk of the Impala. He knew where Metatron was and was leading her there. Castiel was anxious, she could feel it. She was trying to not let it affect her own feelings, but it was proving difficult. Ever since she first agreed to be a vessel their emotions would get tangled up when they were together. It was quite distracting.

“Calm down.” She hissed under her breath at the non-corporeal being in her head.

“He’s there,” Jennifer heard the voice in her head say, “He’s at the park just down this road. I don’t think he’s alone. Be ready.” A pause. “Warn them.”

She slowed then stopped. Turning to the boys she said, “Metatron is just ahead at a park. He isn’t alone.” She saw Dean start to argue, damn she could read him so well now, “Look, I know, okay, and you know how I know. Do you want to get this done or argue over chick-flick moments?”

Dean opened his mouth then closed it again. He glanced between Sam and Jennifer. Sam was the one to finally break the moment.

“Do you know who’s with him? How many?” he asked.

Jennifer cocked her head to the side and stared upwards, “No, don’t know who, but just one.” She chanced a quick look at Dean. “Castiel says he can’t see who it is.”

“Okay,” Sam said in a low voice. Then louder, “Okay, lets just walk in there. He probably already knows we’re coming. No reason to pretend we can just sneak in, right?”

Dean nodded, “Let’s do this.” Then he gestured at Jennifer, “Lead on.”

About a block further down the road the sidewalk opened up to a grassy field filled with playground equipment. Dean thought, What is it with angels and playgrounds? Is it all just a game? Then he spotted Metatron sitting on a bench about ten yards away, his back to them.

“Well, hello. It’s about time you got here. Castiel has been popping in and out for over an hour now. It’s starting to give me a headache.” Metatron closed the book he appeared to be reading, turned around placing his arm over the back of the bench, “Come on over. I’m not going to hurt you.”

The trio stepped cautiously closer, Jennifer still in the lead. “Why are you doing this? Where is Jimmy?”

Metatron stood up and faced them. All three reached for the various weapons they had concealed. “Oh, stop that. I’m not going to hurt any of you. You aren’t the ones I’m after.” Gesturing with his empty hand he froze all three of them to the spot. “I’m doing this, young lady, because I am tired of the way Heaven has been run into the ground, so to speak. God, has been missing for quite some time. I saw an opportunity and I took it.” He folded his hands together around the book. “I’ve kicked all the angels out to show them who is now in charge. As for Jimmy,” He walked over to the fence closest to there he was standing. “why, he’s right here.”

As Metatron reached out they could all three see a shimmering along the fence. When his hand touched it a bright white nearly blinded them. Once it dimmed there was a huge golden gate. At the center of the gate was Jimmy holding a long bow in his hands.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Two - Here Without You

_A hundred days have made me older_  
 _Since the last time that I saw your pretty face_  
 _A thousand lies have made me colder_  
 _And I don't think I can look at this the same_  
 _But all the miles that separate_  
 _Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_  
 **Here Without You, 3 Door Down**  
...

Sam grabbed Dean’s shoulder in order to insure that his brother stayed steady. It had been well over six months since either of them had laid eyes on Cas. Well, the man standing before them was not Cas and Sam knew it. That was Jimmy standing there, was it not? His head was bowed, but he knew. It was not just the far too familiar trench coat and the forever backwards blue tie, but throw in the always messy dark hair and Sam knew. Jimmy Novak. The man who sacrificed his life for his daughter and wife was now standing at the gates to Heaven.

_But what was he doing here? Guarding it? How did Metatron get him here? Surely Jimmy’s soul was safely tucked away in Heaven, right? Right? Oh man, this is messed up._

He chanced a look at his brother to see if he could read anything. Dean was as white as a sheet. At that Sam took a deep breath and moved two steps forward placing himself in front of Dean. After all of the times Dean had been there for him Sam knew it was his turn to be there for him.

...

It was then that Jimmy looked up.

...

Jennifer gasped at the sight of Jimmy’s bright blue eyes. He was the only member of their family who had that particular shade of blue. She saw that behind his eyes was a faint glow. Now, in hindsight, she suddenly understood that it was always Jimmy’s destiny to be a vessel for an angel. While he had chosen this path, the fates had also decided for him. Tears blurred her eyes. She quickly tried to blinked them away. This was not the time for tears. She had to be strong for her brother. She had to find a way to set things right for him.

_I promise brother, I will find a way to save you. You are blood of my blood. I’m so sorry I left you behind all those many years ago. But I swear to you, I will not abandon you now._

She stepped up to Sam’s left and lifted her chin. Jennifer had made many mistakes in her life, but in this moment she knew this was not one of them. She would do everything in her power to assure Jimmy’s sacrifice was not in vain.

…

Jimmy drew the bow

...

Castiel was so taken aback by the form in front of him he was frozen for a moment. He had long ago stopped thinking about this man, the one whose life had ended when his started. Castiel just could not bear thought of Jimmy, all that he had given up for him. And now Jimmy was all he could see. All of the guilt came rushing back. Castiel had justified to himself that he was doing his Father’s work, but in the end that was all just a lie. By the time he had realized this it was too late and Jimmy was beyond his grasp.

_How could any man think me worthy of such sacrifice?_

He looked around then to see the other three people who had also chosen to sacrifice a part of themselves for him. Sam, loyal and trusting. Jennifer, fierce and strong. Dean...Dean. Castiel knew he would never be worthy of Dean, but he would be damned to Hell before he let Metatron hurt him.

_I never got the chance to tell you, but I hope that one day you will find the same happiness you have given me._

Castiel knew no one could see him save Metatron, but he moved to place himself between the gates and his friends. He expanded to keep any arrow Jimmy may choose to fire from hurting those he loved.

...

Jimmy did not move.

...

Dean was frozen in place. He realized this was the first time he had a chance to looked upon that face since he discovered he was in love with his angel and his heart nearly stopped. It was all so confusing. That was not his angel, though. That was Jimmy, or something else. Dean was not sure. There were only two things he was sure of, that they would win this fight and that once it was over he and his angel were going to have a long talk.

He watched as Sam and Jennifer move to stand between him and Jimmy. It was not until Sam blocked his view of Jimmy that he snapped out of it and felt his muscles tense for a fight. He stepped forward placing a hand on each of their shoulders and moved them apart. He stepped between them.

“We do this together.”

…

Jimmy fired an arrow.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Three - Heaven Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, but I will have the next chapter up before the weekend is out. We're almost there. Thank you for sticking with me.

_Jimmy's in the back with a pocket of high_  
 _If you listen close you can hear him cry_  
 _Oh, Lord, heaven knows we belong way down below_  
 **Heaven Knows, The Pretty Reckless**  
...

The arrow sought and found it’s mark. It suddenly appeared in Jennifer’s left shoulder, just slightly above her heart. She cried out softly. The impact was enough to knock her on the ground where she laid seemingly unconscious. Her face was twisted in agony. Red blood flowed freely from both the front and back of the wound soaking the dry earth beneath her.

Castiel was stunned and motionless. How did the arrow get by him? It should have deflected the moment it came in contact with his force. How could he have failed to protect them? He knew he was weak from the closing of Heaven, but he had hoped he had regained enough grace. Once again he had failed his friends.

Sam turned and fell to kneel at Jennifer’s side immediately trying to stop the from blood pouring. He wanted to put pressure on the wound, but he was afraid he would only make it worse with the arrow lodged in her chest. He broke the arrow as close to Jennifer’s shoulder as he could. Then he did what he could to slow the bleeding. Knife wounds he knew, even gunshots did not scare him, but this was an arrow. Years of roadside first aid never prepared him for this.

Dean’s eyes did not leave Jimmy’s face as he crouched ready to charge at him angel blade at the ready. “Talk to me, Sammy.” he said from between clenched teeth. “Is she okay?”

“I don’t know, Dean. She’s bleeding too much. I don’t think I can stop it!” Sam answered. “I can’t remove the arrow or she will bleed to death for sure.”

Suddenly Dean leaped into action and ran at Jimmy. The serenity that spread across his face was more fearsome than any anger could ever be. Dean was in hunting mode. He no longer saw his angel or Jimmy, he only saw his target.

All Metatron could do was laugh gleefully and clap. “Oh you boys are so much fun! We should have done this much sooner.”

That little remark brought Castiel back to the moment. Just as Dean reached Jimmy at the gate, Castiel made his move towards Metatron. The clash of angel form against the scribe’s vessel was enough to knock both of them down, temporarily stunning them.

Dean was not so lucky. As he raised the angel blade back ready to strike Jimmy in the chest a second arrow was loosed from Jimmy’s bow that caused Dean to twist aside to avoid getting hit. But this time it was aimed at Sam’s kneeling back and like the first arrow it struck true. Sam’s back arched quickly before he fell beside Jennifer also unconscious.

Dean turned, reaching out to his little brother and cried “SAM!”. This was all his fault. That arrow should have been for him, not Sam. Never Sam. Oh god, he was not breathing.

Suddenly, Dean’s whole world stopped.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Four - A Thousand Years

_Heart beats fast_  
 _Colors and promises_  
 _How to be brave?_  
 _How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?  
But watching you stand alone,_  
 _All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow._  
 **A Thousand Years, Christina Perri**  
...

Metatron and Castiel were the only two left there in the park with any notion that time had seemed to freeze, but were still awake. Even so Castiel could not move. He was shocked and angered at the idea that an arrow had pierced him and stuck Sam. He was fighting against the invisible barrier to get to Sam, heal him, do something, anything.

How could Metatron, an angel, be responsible for so much damage? How could he use a human to be the instrument? Were they not supposed to protect their Father’s creations?

Just as Castiel’s anger had grown so much he feared he would explode a bright, golden glow surrounded Sam. Along with it came a loud hum, almost like a trumpet. Both the light and song faded slowly. In place of the light, golden wings appeared. The light dimmed further, the hum dwindled away. Within the circle of wings, down on one knee beside Sam, was Gabriel.

Gabriel looked up at Metatron and his angel blade flashed at his side. The anger on his face was so fierce one could almost hear him growl. However, he did not move from Sam’s side.

“Well, well!” Metatron laughed. “I did not expect to see you here. I was sure our big brother had laid you to waste, but here you are!” he clapped his hands in front of him.

“Metatron. What have you done?” Gabriel asked from between clenched teeth.

Metatron managed to look agast “Me? I didn’t do this. Well, it wasn’t all me. Castiel here,” he waved at where Castiel’s form was “Did all of the hard work for me.” Then his face fell. “Oh you don’t get it do you? Here let me explain.”

The scribe sat back down on the bench with a small, pleased sigh and a huge grin. He so loved to tell stories. Gabriel twisted on his heel to keep Metatron in sight, but did not give up his vigil beside the tall, fallen man.

Metatron held up a hand. “Castiel found me the three things I needed to close the gates to Heaven. First,” he lifted one finger “was the heart of a Nephilim. Oh, she was a pretty thing, too. Second,” he held up another finger “was a cupid’s bow.”

Suddenly he stopped talking and looked at the bow Jimmy still held in his hands, then Sam’s motionless form, and then back to Gabriel. Realization struck his face and he smiled even wider. “Oh my, Gabriel! Does Daddy know?”

Gabriel did not answer.

“Oh my.” Metatron repeated. “This just gets better and better. “Anyway,” he chuckled to himself “the third part,” he now held up three fingers “was a vessel that was able to wield both the heart and bow. So you see, the Heavenly bow and the Earthly vessel are connected by the Nephilim heart! It’s perfect!” he cried “And well, because I put them all together he,” Metatron pointed at Jimmy “Only obeys me. Once he had kicked all of you angels out of Heaven I set him to guard the gate.” Metatron leaned forward on the bench and clutched his hands in front of him. “So you see, I am in charge now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not at all how this scene was to go six months ago, but Gabe was really upset and had to butt in.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Five - American Pie

_Oh, and as I watched him on the stage_  
 _My hands were clenched in fists of rage_  
 _No angel born in Hell_  
 _Could break that Satan's spell_  
 **American Pie, Don McLean**  
…  
All Dean could see was darkness and all he could hear was a loud hum. Slowly his vision and hearing began to clear.

“Oh my, Gabriel! Does Daddy know?”

Dean could barely hear Metatron, almost like cotton filled his ears. Light began to flood his eyes. Ever so gradually his sight was coming back. Metatron was now saying something about a bow and a vessel.

Did he mean the cupid’s bow he helped his angel get? Was he talking about Jimmy?

“So you see, I am in charge now.” The voice was clearer now.

That was enough to shake Dean back to the world. After blinking a few times he was able to see what was going on. He realized Gabriel was crouched over his little brother’s body in a defensive stance, angel blade in hand. How was Gabe here and alive and why was he hovering over Sammy and what did Metatron mean by...oh...OH! It looked like Sammy had a guardian angel of own.

They would have a long talk about that later once they got themselves out of this. If they got out of this. In the meantime Dean just had to figure out how to move. His body was still unresponsive. He could not even turn his head to take a look at the gate to heaven.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a Jimmy shaped blur and an arrow zipped past him barely missing his ear. He felt the air move past his cheek and like the two previous arrows this one struck it’s mark.

Gabriel gasped in pain and clutched his raised thigh. The arrow had gone clean through just missing his vessel’s bone and major arteries.

Then Dean heard Jennifer scream, but not with her own voice. This one was gruffer, harsher.

“METATRON! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!” Castiel yelled from the ground where she lay bleeding.

Metatron laughed and it sounded like grease. “Oh Castiel, how are you going to manage that? You can’t even move!”

Castiel reached up to her shoulder and ripped out the arrow. Just as the blood started to flow freely she reached up a second time and using the tips of her fingers healed herself just enough to stop the bleeding.

“Interesting.” Metatron commented. “How are you able to do that?”

“I let her go.” A gruff voice bragged.

Dean was finally able to command his body again suddenly. He turned his head towards the voice. Just behind Metatron stood Crowley and Kevin.

“Crowley?” Castiel asked carefully with a touch of surprise in her voice.

“Hello, Castiel.” Crowley replied glancing at his nails. “I see you’re causing trouble, again.”

Crowley was dressed in his usual black suit. Next to him stood a ragged looking Kevin. Kevin appeared to be fairly anxious and glanced around a lot.

Castiel chose his next words with great care. Dean’s life was in danger and this was not a time to word fight with the Demon.

“Well,” Crowley started “The young prophet here found the passage on the angel tablet that closed the gate of heaven. I, while cuffed to a chair,” he spat “overheard him talking himself through the spell.”

Finally finding his voice Dean asked Kevin “Why did you let him loose?”

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Kevin stuttered “I had to. It was the only way.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “He’s the only one who could fix this. He’s a...a…” Kevin glanced up at Crowley.

“What our sleep-deprived friend here is trying to say is I’m a Nephalem.” Crowley pronounced proudly.

Dean hesitated for a moment and blinked repeatedly. “You’re a what? Wait,” he held out his hand. “You are not telling me you’re the kid of some angel and human. You’re a fucking demon!”

“Oh squirrel, you’re running short on nuts again. I said Nephalem, not Nephilim. As in the child of a demon and angel.” Crowley explained.

“What?” Dean still could not wrap his head around it. “What they hell does that mean?”

“It means I can do this.” With a snap of his fingers the gates of heaven glowed slightly, then dimmed and opened. Jimmy slumped to the ground in a heap unmoving.

Metatron stood and proclaimed. “This isn’t over. You are an aberration and you cannot be allowed to exist!” But Metatron knew he was outnumbered and disappeared.

As if Metatron’s leaving had released him, Sam gasped loudly and half sat up before he fell back. Dean moved forward but Gabriel blocked his way. In the same moment Castiel’s head fell back and Jennifer was still once more.

“Wha?” Sam started. He blinked, crooked his head and looked up at Gabriel. “What happened? What are you doing here? Why are you here?” Sam looked around trying to make sense of things.

“Well, Sam-o. When you were hit you called for me.” Gabriel reached up and brushed the hair from Sam’s forehead. “You were trying to die on me again, kiddo. I couldn’t have that.” The archangel then placed his hand over Sam’s heart. A pale blue light appeared and Sam was healed.

Dean hesitated now that Sam was okay. He looked between Jennifer and Jimmy. Where was his angel?

Gabriel stood having healed his own wound now that the influence of Metatron was gone. “I don’t know where my little brother went, Dean.” Gabriel answered the unasked question. “All I know is he’s not here.”


	28. Chapter Twenty-Six - Call and Answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The last chapter. Thank you all for riding along!

_So if you call, I will answer_  
 _and if you fall, I'll pick you up_  
 _and if you court this disaster_  
 _I'll point you home_  
 _But I'm warning you, don't ever do_  
 _those crazy, messed-up things that you do_  
 _If you ever do,_  
 _I promise you I'll be the first to crucify you_  
 _Now it's time to prove that you've come back_  
 _here to rebuild_  
 **Call and Answer, Barenaked Ladies**  
…  
Dean had not left the hospital in over a week.

Crowley had crawled back to whatever piece of Hell he had come from right after Metatron took off. Jennifer came to with minimal effort after Gabriel healed her, but nothing could be done for Jimmy.

“He’s just a vessel now, Dean, Jennifer. I’m sorry. I can’t make Castiel come back nor can I summon Jimmy’s soul. He’s been in heaven too long.” Gabriel had told him.

They took his body to the local hospital. If nothing else they could keep the body alive until they could figure out what to do. Kevin went back to the bunker to search the angel tablet for answers. The summoning spells Bobby had taught them did not work either.

So Dean had sat in vigil next to his angel. They had admitted him under Jimmy’s name and claimed they were all siblings so they could check on him in the ICU, but Dean refused to leave. Sam and Jennifer did not ask why. They just brought him food and clothes.

Even the staff had noticed.

“Is he really your brother?” The charge nurse had pulled Jennifer aside on day three. She could not sit by quietly a moment longer. When Jennifer hesitated the redhead took her hand. “It’s okay. I won’t tell. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve fudged the records so a couple could be together.”

Jennifer smiled and read the other woman’s name tag. “Thank you, Christine. Jimmy is my brother. Dean and Sam are brothers, but that’s where the family ends.”

Christine smiled back. “Family doesn’t end with blood. I sort of figured that’s how it was. You just let me know what you need and I’ll see to it that it’s taken care of.”

“Thank you. Thank you, again.” Jennifer turned to Sam. “Come on, Sam. We’ve got to go get Dean something to eat so he can refused to eat it again.”  
…  
Dean sat by the bed. He did not know what else to do. The last few months had changed everything. He had realized he was in love with his angel in the same moment he had lost him. Dean propped his arms on the side of the bed and rested his head in his hands. He was so tired.

“Alright. I swore I’d never do this again. But I’m desperate so here goes.” Dean took a deep breath and sighed heavily.

“I know you’re out there and I know you can hear me. If you weren’t,” Dean paused, “I’d know. I’d feel it. So I know you’re out there.” He shuffled to a more comfortable position. “So listen up. Here’s the deal. You said once that we had been through a lot together and you weren’t wrong. We’ve hurt, healed, betrayed, rescued and torn each other apart more times than I can count. Okay? But despite all of that,” He paused again then shook his head. It was now or never. “Despite all of that, Cas, I love you and I need you here. You once said you’d always come when I called. Please, man.”

Dean sat back and looked around, hoping, but nothing happened. He was still lying in the bed hooked up to the machines that beeped and pumped air. Dean stood up and ran his hands through his hair. He walked over to the window and looked out over the parking lot. From behind him he heard the one sound he would have given his life to hear. The sound of wings.

“Hello, Dean.”


End file.
